my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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