I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
