You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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