it's too hot outside to masturbate.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
