dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
