i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
