And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
