I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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