soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
