end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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