i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
