I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
