the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
This house was built for laser tag.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
