Only a mothe r could love this liver
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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