Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
