It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
