i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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