I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
