Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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