so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
