In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
