'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
