i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I see more hoeing in ur future
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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