so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
