please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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