have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
