Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
