My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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