Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
