My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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