it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
