Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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