Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
