This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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