I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
