The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
