Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
