Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
