so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
