She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
