I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
