i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
