I have demons in me.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
