I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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