ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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