Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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