we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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