I showed him my bush... on skype.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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