Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
