I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
