I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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