U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
